100 Ways Grief Checklist

Healing Your Grieving Heart After Stillbirth: 100 Practical Ideas for Parents and Families
By Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D and Raelynn Maloney, PH.D

Beloved grief educator Dr. Alan Wolfelt compassionately explores the common feelings of shock, anger, guilt, and sadness that accompany a stillborn child, offering suggestions for expressing feelings, remembering the child, and healing as a family. Ideas to help each unique person—mother, father, grandparent, sibling, friend—are included, as are thoughts from families who experienced a stillbirth.

I have to give credit of this following idea to another blogger http://www.stillbornandstillbreathing.com. The following is a checklist of 100 practical ideas for grieving based on the book. I will be posting my picture on Instagram follow me @tessmullan. If you wish to do this as well use the #100waysofhealing so all of our pictures can come together. I will also post the pictures on my blog along the way and put a date next to the numbers when I complete them.

Healing Your Grieving Heart After Stillbirth: 100 Practical Ideas for Parents and Families

1. Mourn the loss of your precious baby.
2. Know that the numbness is natural.
3. Understand the 6 needs of mourning: Need #1 Acknowledge the reality of death.
4. Need #2 Embrace the pain of loss.
5. Need #3 Remember the baby who died.
6. Need #4 Develop a new self-identity.
7. Need #5 Search for meaning.
8. Need #6 Receive ongoing support from others.
9. Know there is no order to grief.
10. If you decided not to see your baby after birth, find other ways to acknowledge the reality of the death.
11. Practice self-compassion.
12. Be compassionate with your partner.
13. Be loving toward your surviving children.
14. Release your tears.
15. Designate a time to mourn each day.
16. Acknowledge that you are a parent.
17. Understand when others say, “I’m sorry.”
18. Just be.
19. Open your heart.
20. Remember: one day at a time.
21. Understand what it means to be “traumatized.”
22. Seek safety and comfort.
23. Make an inventory of survival strategies.
24. Be patient.
25. Let go of destructive myths about grief and mourning.
26. Wear a symbol of mourning. *****5/22/2013*****
27. Know there are no bad days, only “necessary” days.
28. Reach out to others who truly understand your pain.
29. Know that you will reach the other side of grief.
30. Believe in your capacity to heal.
31. Move toward your grief, not away from it.
32. Acknowledge that you and your child had a relationship.
33. Give attention to your marriage.
34. Expect to have whirlwind emotions.
35. Talk about grief and mourning.
36. Be tolerant of an imperfect funeral.
37. Acknowledge the multitude of losses.
38. Watch for warning signals.
39. Identify a person you can count on.
40. Set boundaries.
41. Prepare to answer uncomfortable questions.
42. Carry a linking object.
43. Share your story.
44. Use language that empowers you.
45. Use your baby’s name.
46. Talk to your baby.
47. Redefine “birthdays.”
48. Be aware of “grief overload.”
49. If you are angry, find appropriate ways to express your anger.
50. Leave hurtful advice behind.
51. Find ways to move through any doubt and guilt.
52. Take care of you!
53. Make sleep a priority.
54. Honor what your body needs.
55. Create a personal sanctuary just for you.
56. Let go of tension with a sigh.
57. Turn off the negativity.
58. Hold someone.
59. Remember: rocks crumble with too much weight.
60. Create your own place to keen or wail.
61. Find the words in music.
62. Tell someone you love them.
63. Sing or play a lullaby.
64. Know that it’s normal to feel presence of you baby.
65. Acknowledge when you are feeling “lost.”
66. Access good grief support online.
67. Allow for unfinished business.
68. Simplify.
69. Prepare yourself for the holidays.
70. Dream.
71. Demonstrate faith.
72. Know that you are a good parent.
73. Ground your thoughts with a touchstone.
74. Communicate with your partner about your sex life.
75. Manage your fears about future pregnancies.
76. Believe in the power of your story.
77. Create an online memorial.
78. Publish your words.
79. Plan a ceremony.
80. Write a letter to your higher power.
81. Don’t be caught off guard by grief-bursts.
82. Understand the concept of reconciliation.
83. Think about what comes next.
84. Move your grief to gratitude with yoga.
85. Climb to new heights.
86. Bring in more light.
87. Relax with aromatherapy.
88. Take in the sun.
89. Contemplate life through the arts.
90. Contemplate the universe.
91. Allow love in.
92. Express your childlike self.
93. Know that it’s natural to rethink death.
94. Talk to someone about the afterlife.
95. Reunite and reconnect.
96. Remember others who had a relationship with your baby.
97. Reconfigure your life.
98. Be purposeful in everything you do.
99. Allow yourself to be “thankful” when you are ready.
100. Embrace your transformation.

#26 Wear a Symbol **posted 5/22/13**

#96 Remember others who had a relationship with your baby. Posted ***5/27/2013

#5 Need #3 Remember the baby who died. Posted 3/17/2014 The beautiful monument with Brayleigh’s name on it. The TEARS Foundation Angel of Hope Monument.



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