My New “Normal”…

Normal…what does that even mean. Who has ever been normal in their life? Does normal really even exist? You go through life trying to achieve your goals and dreams. A normal way would be going to college, graduating, finding the love of your life, getting married, and having a family. Well I can tell you that after the graduating part my life would not be normal. I did however find the love of my life, get married, and have a baby but not exactly in that order.

I found the love of my life in college and we had our beautiful daughter Lorelai. After a little time we got engaged and decided that we should try for another child. We got pregnant in the August 2011. We would be having another baby April 16th, 2012. It would have to be a planned c-section because Lorelai was a c-section. We were both excited to be having another baby. We really didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl we were just excited to be having another baby. We found out it was a girl that winter and quickly began our planning. We were all so excited to be having another baby. Lorelai turned 2 that September. She was excited she would be having a little sister to play with. We did have to explain to her multiple times that her sister would be a little baby first and would take some time before she would be able to play with her. We decided on the name Brayleigh Elizabeth. As the time began to tick away and I finally went on maternity leave we were starting to get more and more excited. Then one day the normal that I knew everyday was going to change forever.

On March 27th, 2012 our normal became a new normal, although I am not how normal this life is. At my doctor appointment that day I found out that our baby girl no longer had a heartbeat. We had lost our baby. Although I really do not like to use the word lost. I feel like it means we misplaced her. We were then put on what I like to call a rollercoaster. A rollercoaster of change, grief, and crazy. Our normal went from a family of 3 with a baby on the way to a family of 3 with a baby that was born an angel.

It has officially been a year since Brayleigh was born and we are slowly coming up on the day she was buried. No parent should ever be in that position. Kids are suppose to burry their parents not the other way around. Now I live everyday wondering what she would be like. Would she be crazy outgoing like Lorelai or would she hopefully be a little more calm. I do think that having something tragic like this happen makes you realize how important life and family are.

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