Loss and Food

Have you ever gone through a loss? If could be any loss. The loss of a baby, child, parent. spouse, sibling…the list could go on and on. When you think about this time what do you remember after the loss? One of the things I remember after my dad passed and after Brayleigh passes was the food. Believe me I really couldn’t eat after Brayleigh was born sleeping but I still remember the food. I don’t really remember much about what kind of food we had but I do remember the amount.

When my dad passed I remember for atleast a week someone would deliver a full meal every night for us. It was that food that just brought comfort like mac and cheese and a chicken pot pie. But it wasn’t really about the food itself it was who the people were that made the food and about the thought behind it. It was food made in a mass quantity that could feed many. It was a little different when my dad had passed because my sister and brother were still living with my mom and I so there were more mouths to feed but we all had many people over that were spending time with us. During a time like this it was hard for us to want to “entertain” so to say. Having this food ready to just put out was great.

After we lost Brayleigh, the food came again. It was different people this time but the thought and time that went into it was unbelievable. From trays delivered from the local eatery to homemade soup and mac/cheese. The food still served the same purpose. We had people at the house everyday and it helped so much to just be able to pull the food out and serve.

Now…for what I had originally planned on writing about. Tear Soup. This is a grief book that I have heard about. I personally haven’t read it yet but would like to. Soup is something want when you are not feeling so great. Something you may bring to someone who is ailing. Well Tear Soup is a little different.

First you start off with a pot whatever size you might think goes with your loss/grief. You can start with a big pot and eventually simmer down to a smaller one. You then add your ingredients for your grief. It could be many different things or just a few. The one common ingredient everyone will have is Tears. This is something that you might cook for awhile it might get smaller or it might get bigger. It is however something that you want to keep stirring. You don’t want your tear soup to burn or scorch. Below is my Tear Soup a year into my grief journey. I wish I had done this sooner to see how it might have changed.

Butterfly Dream Soup

Ingredients:
countless tears shed
a palmful of guilt
a dash of dreams and hopes lost
a heart that has been smashed and left in piece
a family that has taken that heart and tried hard to put it back together
a bottle of fine wine
a couple handfuls of anger
many nights of no sleep

Tear Soup: a recipe for healing after loss: authors Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen

If you have experienced a loss and would like to add your tear soup please comment!!

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2 responses to “Loss and Food

  1. Most recently the loss of my cousin and best friend Chris !!! My ingredients

    Tears lots of them
    Anger towards myself for not doing something about his hurting
    Guilt for not seeing him more and again not stepping in to help him
    Smiles from the many memories that we shared
    And just a tad of relief that he is no longer suffering and he’s with our grandmother and watching over me !!!
    It still hurts like hell but it gets a little better everyday

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