What to say about Mother’s Day??? I am full of mixed emotions. One side of heart is full of love and hope for Lorelai. On the other side is a longing for a Brayleigh. Would she be as crazy and loving as her sister. I wonder what they would be like together. I would love for Lorelai to have her sister to play with. Someone that she could take care of. She knows she has a sister but I don’t think she understands why her sister is not here to play with her like her friend’s sisters are. In the last week she has become more aware that her little sister is in heaven. From the beginning we have always explained to her the Brayleigh is in heaven and watches over us. We do go to the cemetery to visit Brayleigh and plant flowers. She has recently started to ask when Brayleigh will be coming home and when she will have a sister to play with.
The other day we were driving to school. Lorelai started asking me if we could go see Brayleigh. She said she wanted to visit her where the green, green grass is and the cool black fence. I had no idea what she was talking about. I thought maybe she had a dream about playing with Brayleigh. I asked her if it was in a dream and she said no, you know where all the other Brayleighs are. I said no I do not know and sure enough we go by the cemetery and Lorelai says…there mommy, I want to go there and see Brayleigh. She thinks that all the markers are other Brayleighs. I explained to her that not all of the markers are babies. I said there are a lot of people in there of all ages. This is an extreme conversation to have with a three year old on the way to school but this is our new normal now. I love the fact that deep down in her heart she will grow up with the knowledge that she has a baby sister. As she grows older I feel like she will have more questions and more understanding of this knowledge. She truly amazes me everyday and even though I have a daughter on Earth and one in Heaven, they both fill me heart with joy and love. I also think that Lorelai will forever carry a part of her baby sister in her heart.
I want to wish all the mothers with kids on earth and in heaven a wonderful Mother’s Day.
Normal…what does that even mean. Who has ever been normal in their life? Does normal really even exist? You go through life trying to achieve your goals and dreams. A normal way would be going to college, graduating, finding the love of your life, getting married, and having a family. Well I can tell you that after the graduating part my life would not be normal. I did however find the love of my life, get married, and have a baby but not exactly in that order.
I found the love of my life in college and we had our beautiful daughter Lorelai. After a little time we got engaged and decided that we should try for another child. We got pregnant in the August 2011. We would be having another baby April 16th, 2012. It would have to be a planned c-section because Lorelai was a c-section. We were both excited to be having another baby. We really didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl we were just excited to be having another baby. We found out it was a girl that winter and quickly began our planning. We were all so excited to be having another baby. Lorelai turned 2 that September. She was excited she would be having a little sister to play with. We did have to explain to her multiple times that her sister would be a little baby first and would take some time before she would be able to play with her. We decided on the name Brayleigh Elizabeth. As the time began to tick away and I finally went on maternity leave we were starting to get more and more excited. Then one day the normal that I knew everyday was going to change forever.
On March 27th, 2012 our normal became a new normal, although I am not how normal this life is. At my doctor appointment that day I found out that our baby girl no longer had a heartbeat. We had lost our baby. Although I really do not like to use the word lost. I feel like it means we misplaced her. We were then put on what I like to call a rollercoaster. A rollercoaster of change, grief, and crazy. Our normal went from a family of 3 with a baby on the way to a family of 3 with a baby that was born an angel.
It has officially been a year since Brayleigh was born and we are slowly coming up on the day she was buried. No parent should ever be in that position. Kids are suppose to burry their parents not the other way around. Now I live everyday wondering what she would be like. Would she be crazy outgoing like Lorelai or would she hopefully be a little more calm. I do think that having something tragic like this happen makes you realize how important life and family are.
I along with a million plus other people are addicted to Pinterest. I love it. You can go on Pinterest search for whatever your little heart desires and you will most likely get a result. Take a look around your house. Do you have toys, gift wrap, tubberware all over??? You know you do. Search on Pinterest organization. You will find ideas for organization that you didn’t even know you could organize. You will be able to turn any space in your home into an organizational maze. Do you teach? BINGO….search what you are teaching and come back with a ton of ideas for charts, lessons, crafts, etc. Do you love to cook? You will have hundreds of pins you would like to try. Do you love to bake? You will have hundreds of pins you would love to try. Now do you have a bunch of pallets hanging around the house? You will find a ton of uses for pallets. I could go on all day what you can find.
NOW that you have your countless pins what do you do? When do you have to the time to tackle your ambitions? Do you have the finances to tackle your ambitions? Do you have the drive to tackle you ambitions? I have been successful when it comes to food. I have been able to accomplish a lot of the dinners and desserts I found. The biggest hit being fudge. I have done a few crafts and organizational things, but I want to do more.
Future…I am going to try hard to accomplish more of the things I pin. I have found a lot of things that I love that can be bought but I love making things. The kiddy art and craft side of me comes out. I will continue pinning and crafting….If you have found pins that you love and have accomplished please post. I would love to see them!! I will try to post more of mine!