Capture your Grief in October for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

This October for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I’m hosting CAPTURE YOUR GRIEF 2012. If you have experienced the death of your baby/ies/child/ren, this project is designed just for you! It doesn’t matter whether you are only a week into this walk or you have been walking this road for 20 years, all are welcome to join in. Capture Your Grief is a 31 day photograph challenge. All you will need is the internet and a camera. It doesn’t have to be some big fancy DSLR – a phone camera or a pocket digital camera will be perfect. And if your camera is broken – you can still take part as in this project you are not required to take a new photo everyday.http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2012/09/capture-your-grief-this-october-2012-for-pregnancy-infant-loss-awareness-month.html

I will be posting some of my days on here.

Day 5: memorial. This a garden that was planted this past father’s day. When we lost Brayleigh instead of flowers we asked people to donate to our garden. I used to work at a garden center so they took care of all the arrangements and planted it for us. That day was so emotional for us. This picture shows the love of all the people around us who supported us and continue to do. Thank you to everyone who has donated to make this beautiful garden.

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Pink–Beam Me Up

The above link is to a you tube video.  I found this song on one of the support groups I belong to on Facebook. Have you heard a song that really hits on what you are going through or what you are thinking? This song did that for me today. I must of listened to it 20 times.  I love for one minute to be beamed up to hold Brayleigh. To see her eyes. I can only guess they might of been blue like her sister’s were. To have her grab my finger and hold like her sister did. To see her smile like her sister does.  Not only would I love to see Brayleigh, I would love to see my dad, grandmother, and Sean’s nana and pop pop. 
 
Leave a comment with a song that hits what you have been through or  are going through

Family

Family:
a. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children
b. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.
Above is the definition of family when you google family.
To me family means so much more than that. Family is the group of people that will stand by your side no matter what the circumstance. Family will go into battle for you even if they don’t know what they are fighting. Your family may be small or it might be big but you know that they will be there for you before you even make the call.
I found all of that to be true when we lost Brayleigh. In a matter of a couple hours my house was full of love and support. I was in a fog. I still thought the dr could be wrong that I would go to the hospital have a c-section and my precious baby would be a healthy and strong little girl. For the next few hours I had my mom, sister, brother, and in laws there with me, my husband, and our daughter Lorelai. We talked about what the doctor said. What we would be doing with Lo. Most importantly we talked about things that hadn’t even dawned on me yet. What would happen with our precious Brayleigh? Would we want to see her, hold her, who would get to see her, did we want Lo to meet her, what she be cremated, would she be put in a casket, should we get pictures, there were soo many options for us to take into consideration. Needless to say I got no sleep that night. But I made it through those first few hours after finding out because of my family.  They are all amazing and strong individuals.

Let’s get started!

My beautiful family.

Hey everyone. I have decided to start blogging. My name is Tess. I have had a crazy year this past year from crazy highs to absolute lows. Probably more lows than highs but you have to take the hand you have been dealt and figure out a way to cope and move on to better the life you have now. So with that said my blog will focus on the crazy things happening in my life, fun things to do with your friends and family, education on special causes close to my heart, and keeping yourself healthy and to help with healing!

Introduce myself I am a married woman (just recently) with a loving supportive husband and an amazing 3 year old daughter.  Many people will tell you she is 3 going on 16…

Why did I want to start blogging?? It is crazy I know. Looking into a lot here lately I feel like it is a great step to help me heal. Healing? What does it mean to you. What might you be healing from. It could be so many things. Mine is a loss one that I never thought could happen. Stillbirth. This past March my fiancé (now husband) and I lost our beautiful baby girl Brayleigh Elizabeth. We were 36 weeks pregnant. I was due April 21st with a c-section date of April 16th. On March 27th I went into a routine dr Appt. The doctor went to check the heartbeat and could not find it. He got the ultrasound machine and quickly realized that the baby’s heartbeat was no longer there. He looked and saw that her little heart had stopped. I quickly called Sean and told him he needed to get to the dr office. As soon as I saw him it was sooo hard to tell him what had happened. Hard on so many different levels. Hard because we lost our dreams and hopes, hard because I felt like I did something to cause this, hard because the dr told us we may never know why, hard because the little sister our daughter thought she was getting was not going to come home from the hospital. On March 28th we went to the hospital and got prepped for my c-section. WOW had to go through all that fun stuff and still would not have a baby to bring home. Those are the thoughts I had. Now looking back I realize that yes it sucks but I cannot let this pull me down forever. It was so hard to bury that little girl but I know we have an angel looking down over us. Everyday I wish she was here with us and know that one day we will see her again. Love you BEM